Cosmetic Enhancements

Her first experience with cosmetic enhancement was way back in 1970. She saved her waitress money and bought herself a set of acrylic nails. LOVED THEM! She had them painted and reapplied every week.

Next, she used artificial tan goop and sun lamps to give her that 'natural', athletic, California, Girl-Next-Door look.

Someone told her her nose wasn't cute, it was 'aristocratic' and that sent her into a tailspin. She called a doctor and borrowed some money from her parents and went under the knife. Viola!
She had a Farrah Faucet nose in 24 easy payments.

Then she began to notice that her boobs weren't getting the attention they deserved. 36 B was hardly enough to satisfy her desire to appeal to the opposite sex. So, Visa gave her some credit and back to the doctor she went. 36 D's outta get some love coming her way....and they did. She was pregnant within the year.

After three children and a divorce she once again yearned for some man attention. She took her divorce settlement and bought herself a face lift, chin implant, eye lift, and tummy tuck. She had the doctor take fat from her knees (because they were bulky) and put it in her face, around her nose and in her lips. It didn't turn out as perfectly as she had imagined so she visited a tattoo parlor and had her lips tattooed and her eyeliner and eye brows permanently placed.

As she aged her eyes lost a little vision and she couldn't stand the idea of wearing glasses, so back to the operating room she went.

Her hair started greying so bleach was applied and her coochie was waxed cleaned of any strays.

Carbs are her enemy, celery her freind, Atkins is God and burgers are hell.

Her shoes are from Italy and her bras are from France. Her bunions will be fixed in the fall.

Her ears are pierced, her nipples are enhanced, her armpits are hairless, her wrinkles smoothed out and her butt is lifted. She drives a new car, wears 30 pounds of gold and gemstones, and her teeth are bleached to perfection. Her eyelashes are tinted, her toenails are studded, her belly button pierced.

Her children are grown, her lover just left her, and she feels all alone again. Her 65th birthday is soon and she wants to have a party, but not until she gets a little something done to make her look pretty.