Most of us are experiencing anxiousness in life all the time. But it
doesn't have to be that way. First of all FEAR stands for:
F...False
E...Evidence
A...Appearing
R...Real
We're lying to ourselves, all of the time, telling ourselves these
awful things are going to happen and they rarely, if ever, do. But we
live life as though all these terrible things are about to happen. We
actually believe these lies that our lower-self mind is telling us.
And because of that, we get totally caught up and we're living these
horrible experiences over and over again, inside of ourselves.
But fear can be simply let go of. It's just an emotion. It's just a
feeling. Any feeling, any emotion, no matter how long standing, no
matter how justified, no matter how certain you're right to feel the
way you do, is just a choice. You can choose to let go of fear or
anxiety any time you want to by simply deciding to let go. And as you
decide to let go, in this moment, you'll discover that the fear
starts to dissolve. It begins to discreate and just underneath it is
a sense of calmness, of presense, of "I CAN", of stillness, of "It's
all okay!" and this is always available to you in any situation.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Day two at USC Medical Center
The wonderful nurses at USC were like angels to me. They did more to get me through the nightmare than anyone. They encouraged me, they were tough on me, and they listened to me. The first night I remember lying on a special bed for spine injury patients. One of the nurses put up a hand written sign over my bed that read, "DO NOT MOVE! SPINAL CORD INJURY!!" Every hour on the hour one of the angels would come in to my ward in the very ancient builing of this giant facility, and take my tempurature, blood pressure, check my fluids and roll me a bit to avoid bed sores. It was always an ordeal when it came to rolling me. I would have to prepare.....They would count, one, two, and I'd say...wait, wait...I'm not ready. They were so good. They waited for me to prepare for the movement.
At 2 AM I was awakened by the frantic sound of three nurses calling my name to wake me. "Elizabeth! Wake up! You're bleeding. Where are in your cycle?" I could hear them and I understood their question but I didn't understand the urgency. I crawled up from the depths of my drug induced fog and tried to figure out what day it was and how many days I was in my moon cycle while trying to stay focused. "Elizabeth!"
As it turned out they were concerned about internal bleeding and needed to be assured that it was normal and expected. I assured them it was. I received another shot of morphine and I was once again in la la land.
Morphine is a tricky drug. I love it, but it gives me terrible nightmares. I was grateful to be out of pain but reluctant to fall asleep. Of course, with enough of the drug, that isn't a choice.
My problem was dreaming of the fall. I keep dreaming that I was either falling or about to fall and my body would jerk and the pain was unbelievable. Tiny bone fragments, like nails, were up against the central nervous system interupting the messages to my lower body. I had no control of anything from my waist down.
The next morning my mother was by my bedside. It was so good to see her. The heat wave was blasting through the concrete walls and this old hospital didn't have air conditioning.
Mother brought me some frozen peach yogurt from the cafeteria. It was the perfect choice for my raw throat. I drifted in and out counting the minutes until my next shot of morphine. Every three hours and not one minute before I got relief. The first hour I slept, the second hour I drifted, the third hour I counted minutes.
My childhood friend, Karen, came in with a "get-well" balloon. She had obvioiusly been crying and tried very hard to not to break down while she stood next to my bed. I asked her to just talk to me. It was good to see her, it was good to hear her voice. I asked her to tell me about her vacation last month. I hadn't heard anything about it and I just wanted something to take my mind off of what was happening. She tried, bless her heart, but every two minutes I asked her what time it was. She couldn't get through her story. I listened as best I could but it was the third hour. My hands were gripping the metal railing of the bed and I watched the clock. It was too much for her. She's a delicate friend.
After she left a team of surgeons walked in, lead by Dr. Santi Rao. The one thing I can say about a teaching hospital is you get to see 6 or 7 doctors at a time. It's a teaching hospital with benefits. Young USC interns on a hot summer day....my, my, my. But to tell you the truth, I didn't notice. My sister Linda had arrived just before the spine team walked in. They all stood around my bed discussng, in whispered tones, my case. Linda leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Elizabeth. Open your eyes. Reason to live." I opened my eyes and saw what could have been a dream...I grinned and gave my first quiet giggle of the ordeal.
Dr. Rao touched my arm. His hand was warm, soft and had a healing energy in it. I looked up into his beautiful dark eyes and told him what the doctor in the emergency room had said. That I may never walk again and that I may not survive the surgery, to get my personal affairs in order. He was appalled that a doctor would say that. He assured me that they will do their best to repair the damage. He explained what proceedure they were planning. They planned on going in from the back, remove bone fragments, install titanium steel rods, use screws and wires to anchor them and use bone tissue, either from my hip or from a bone donor that would grow around the rods and keep everything nice and steady. If they couldn't get to the problem through my back, they would turn me over and cut through my abdomen. Getting all of my organs out of the way, they would try to repair the damage from the front. That idea didn't appeal to me at all so I said a small affirmation. "That won't happen." He didn't make any promises about me walking again but assured me that patients rarely die from this surgery. The other bad news was that the surgery would not be for another week. It had something to do with surgery room schedules and swelling around the tissues that had been torn in the fall.
Dr. Rao introduced me to the young Dr. Grant who would actually be doing the cutting and drilling. Dr. Rao would be right there at his side, but Dr. Grant was the one doing the work. I remember thinking, "He is so yummy." They all were. It was a short consult and away they went. I got another shot, and I away I went too.
Later that evening a nurse came in to check on me and noticed that my belly was getting very big. She asked me when I used the bed pan last. "Bed pan? I can't use a bed pan. I can't sit up, I can't move my legs. I can't even lift up my hips." She ran out of the room.
My sister, Linda, is a healer. She and I were massage therapists at the club and we both were energetic healers. We learned to run energy (Reiki) from the same teacher, Royce Morales. Linda raised her hands above my belly and even though her hands were many inches from me I could feel the pressure of the energy. My bladder was about to burst. I had been drinking water all day as the nurses insisted but nothing was coming out. This was a very dangerous condition. I didn't know that bladders could literally burst inside of you. Linda continued to run energy and the pressure kept building.
A crew of nurses ran in and a catheter was inserted. They carried out two liters of fluid. How did my bladder not burst? Linda.
All of my family stood around my bed. My sisters Sharon, Vicky, Linda and my mother. I had asked them to call Jay, my ex-husband. The main thing on my mind was, if I was going to die, I had to tell Jay that I wanted Shanon to live with Vicky. I believed that no matter what happened
more later....
At 2 AM I was awakened by the frantic sound of three nurses calling my name to wake me. "Elizabeth! Wake up! You're bleeding. Where are in your cycle?" I could hear them and I understood their question but I didn't understand the urgency. I crawled up from the depths of my drug induced fog and tried to figure out what day it was and how many days I was in my moon cycle while trying to stay focused. "Elizabeth!"
As it turned out they were concerned about internal bleeding and needed to be assured that it was normal and expected. I assured them it was. I received another shot of morphine and I was once again in la la land.
Morphine is a tricky drug. I love it, but it gives me terrible nightmares. I was grateful to be out of pain but reluctant to fall asleep. Of course, with enough of the drug, that isn't a choice.
My problem was dreaming of the fall. I keep dreaming that I was either falling or about to fall and my body would jerk and the pain was unbelievable. Tiny bone fragments, like nails, were up against the central nervous system interupting the messages to my lower body. I had no control of anything from my waist down.
The next morning my mother was by my bedside. It was so good to see her. The heat wave was blasting through the concrete walls and this old hospital didn't have air conditioning.
Mother brought me some frozen peach yogurt from the cafeteria. It was the perfect choice for my raw throat. I drifted in and out counting the minutes until my next shot of morphine. Every three hours and not one minute before I got relief. The first hour I slept, the second hour I drifted, the third hour I counted minutes.
My childhood friend, Karen, came in with a "get-well" balloon. She had obvioiusly been crying and tried very hard to not to break down while she stood next to my bed. I asked her to just talk to me. It was good to see her, it was good to hear her voice. I asked her to tell me about her vacation last month. I hadn't heard anything about it and I just wanted something to take my mind off of what was happening. She tried, bless her heart, but every two minutes I asked her what time it was. She couldn't get through her story. I listened as best I could but it was the third hour. My hands were gripping the metal railing of the bed and I watched the clock. It was too much for her. She's a delicate friend.
After she left a team of surgeons walked in, lead by Dr. Santi Rao. The one thing I can say about a teaching hospital is you get to see 6 or 7 doctors at a time. It's a teaching hospital with benefits. Young USC interns on a hot summer day....my, my, my. But to tell you the truth, I didn't notice. My sister Linda had arrived just before the spine team walked in. They all stood around my bed discussng, in whispered tones, my case. Linda leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Elizabeth. Open your eyes. Reason to live." I opened my eyes and saw what could have been a dream...I grinned and gave my first quiet giggle of the ordeal.
Dr. Rao touched my arm. His hand was warm, soft and had a healing energy in it. I looked up into his beautiful dark eyes and told him what the doctor in the emergency room had said. That I may never walk again and that I may not survive the surgery, to get my personal affairs in order. He was appalled that a doctor would say that. He assured me that they will do their best to repair the damage. He explained what proceedure they were planning. They planned on going in from the back, remove bone fragments, install titanium steel rods, use screws and wires to anchor them and use bone tissue, either from my hip or from a bone donor that would grow around the rods and keep everything nice and steady. If they couldn't get to the problem through my back, they would turn me over and cut through my abdomen. Getting all of my organs out of the way, they would try to repair the damage from the front. That idea didn't appeal to me at all so I said a small affirmation. "That won't happen." He didn't make any promises about me walking again but assured me that patients rarely die from this surgery. The other bad news was that the surgery would not be for another week. It had something to do with surgery room schedules and swelling around the tissues that had been torn in the fall.
Dr. Rao introduced me to the young Dr. Grant who would actually be doing the cutting and drilling. Dr. Rao would be right there at his side, but Dr. Grant was the one doing the work. I remember thinking, "He is so yummy." They all were. It was a short consult and away they went. I got another shot, and I away I went too.
Later that evening a nurse came in to check on me and noticed that my belly was getting very big. She asked me when I used the bed pan last. "Bed pan? I can't use a bed pan. I can't sit up, I can't move my legs. I can't even lift up my hips." She ran out of the room.
My sister, Linda, is a healer. She and I were massage therapists at the club and we both were energetic healers. We learned to run energy (Reiki) from the same teacher, Royce Morales. Linda raised her hands above my belly and even though her hands were many inches from me I could feel the pressure of the energy. My bladder was about to burst. I had been drinking water all day as the nurses insisted but nothing was coming out. This was a very dangerous condition. I didn't know that bladders could literally burst inside of you. Linda continued to run energy and the pressure kept building.
A crew of nurses ran in and a catheter was inserted. They carried out two liters of fluid. How did my bladder not burst? Linda.
All of my family stood around my bed. My sisters Sharon, Vicky, Linda and my mother. I had asked them to call Jay, my ex-husband. The main thing on my mind was, if I was going to die, I had to tell Jay that I wanted Shanon to live with Vicky. I believed that no matter what happened
more later....
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
The Doctor said, "You may never walk again,....
......and quite frankly you may not survive the surgery." This statement came right after he said, "You have a very serious fracture. We have to operate."
What was I to think? I had spent 8 hours lying on a spine board in the middle of the very crowded and busy emergency room of The Los Angeles/USC General Hospital. My throat was raw from my intermittent screaming between moments of unconsciousness. My family waited, not so patiently, in another room while the doctors and nurses scurried around to take care of the gang members who had been in a gunfight. Apparently I was not dying so my name and number kept falling to the bottom of the list. People came and went. Patients with burns, cuts, broken bones and heart attacks were all paraded through, while my gurney remained in the same spot for 8 hours.
At the beginning of that day I had taken a few minutes to really appreciate my beautiful home and surrounding neighborhood. I walked out onto my deck to look across the street at the park with it's expansive green lawn and countless trees. I loved sitting outside with my morning cup of tea, watching the sunrise over the city. Every morning, Cadbury, our lop-eared,dwarf bunny, was allowed out of his cage to run around on the deck and explore the various plants and flowers I had there. The mornings were wonderfully quiet and peaceful. On that particular day, the silence was broken by the sound of birds busily chirping and singing for their food. It was early June, 1987. It was not quite summer but the day promised to be a scorcher. A heat wave had been predicted by our weather man and I could feel it even as the cool shadows of dawn receded. I made a mental note to remind my, then, 11 year-old daughter, Shanon, to dress accordingly. Even though we lived only a few miles from the Pacific Ocean, our little neighborhood of Walteria sat in a small nook below the Palos Verdes Penninsula so we received very little of the ocean breeze enjoyed just a short walk away.
This was an exciting time for my daughter. She was preparing for her last week at Walteria Elementary School. She and her friends were giggly with the anticipation of going to the middle school where she would have her own locker and where they were going to move from class to class, from subject to subject. The only pall over this beautiful Spring day was the recent death of my father, her "Tata". On March 20 she got her new braces and on March 23 he died. Now, the excitement of moving forward had a bit of sadness mixed in.
After I watched her walk to meet the school bus, I finished up my tea and retreated to the bathroom to prepare for work. I was managing my sister's restaurant, "Pancho and Lupe's". I was also working as a massage therapist at The Manhattan Club For Women. I knew it would be a long day but I felt prepared. I was happy to help my sister out until she found someone to take over, and I loved working at the club. My life was good, and I was feeling settled and productive. When.....
Before I left the house I needed to put Cadbury back into his cage. I walked out onto the deck and he wasn't there. I look over a low wall the separated my deck from my neighbors and sure enough, he had managed to find his way to her strawberries. The deck had a low cinder block wall on the street side and a few feet between my apartment and hers. I was in a hurry, not wanting to be late for work, but I couldn't just leave Cadbury there to demolish her little garden. I sat down on the wall, with my back to the street, planning on swinging my legs over to her deck to capture him. But, as plans sometimes go, I miscalculated. I lifted my legs too fast and too high. I knew I was in trouble when I felt myself leaning too far back and my fingertips began to slip off the side of the block wall. My first thought? "Oh shit". Seriously. That's what I heard in my head.
To this day I can still remember the sequence of thoughts as the realization hit me that I was going over the wall in a backward somersault sort of way. The first thought was to remember what was behind me. A quick calculation of how far down it was to the ground and what was below me played out. Hard packed dirt planter, large tree, four feet to sidewalk concrete. Hmmmm. "What can I grab?" "Nothing." "This is big." I thought. "I could die here." "Oh well." And away I went. A memory flashed. It was a memory from high school P.E. I was on a trampoline and my P.E. teacher said, "If you feel like your falling and might be out of control, try to fall flat, you'll do less damage." It's funny the things the flash through your mind in these situations. I took her advice and tried to fall flat. 9 feet was a long way down and it seemed to take a bit of time before impact.
So, picture this. I'm sitting on the wall, my legs come up and over I go, ass over head in a very unflattering yoga position. My pubic bone slammed me on my chin. The impact was on my upper back so all of the air was pushed out of my lungs. I was unconscious for a few moments when I heard an unfamiliar sound. It was a low growling sound that brought me to. It was the sound of trying to get air back into my lungs. I opened my eyes to see my thighs laying on my face. I tried to move them but nothing. I used my hands to push them away from me so I could get a breath. My legs slid down the side of the wall and thudded to the ground, and I thought, "Oh shit."
Now this is an interesting part. In my mind's eye, I saw a black and white image. It was a darkened stage with a solo spot light shining down on an empty wheel chair. My very first response to that image was, "No, that is not my reality. This condition is temporary." I had the presence of mind to know not to feed that image. I believed I just needed a moment to gather my energy and my legs would work just fine.
Nobody had seen me fall. I was alone, under the tree, next to the sidewalk, unable to move my lower body. I tried to pull myself up by holding onto the trunk of the tree but the movement triggered a great deal of pain. Again, "Oh shit". I tried one more time but my fingers slipped off of the bark of the tree and broke a couple of nails. Next thought? "Edie, (my manicurist) is going to kill me." I had just had a manicure the day before. I know, I know....how silly to be thinking of that when you are laying on the ground with a broken back, unable to move your legs, but there it is.
T12 vertebrae was crushed into my spinal cord. I wasn't going anywhere. I had to call out for help. I was calm up until I heard my own voice calling out, "Help! Somebody help me please." I wanted to cry. I felt so vulnerable. I called out a few more times and finally I heard a voice, a woman's voice. "Where are you?" I was in a corner, in the bushes, beneath a tree, well hidden. "I'm over here." I called back, raising my hands to wave the way. I saw her face come around the corner of the wall. I'm not sure what I looked like, but from the look on her face, it wasn't good. Without a word she ran away. I said,"No, wait." but she was gone. Another voice, a man's voice came from not too far away. He came over to me and knelt down beside me. He said, "Don't worry, I've called the paramedics." He was a lineman and had been up on a telephone pole across the street. He didn't see me fall but he heard the panic in my call for help. He called 911 from his perch. He held my hand and soon thereafter the woman returned with a blanket. They both stayed with me until help arrived. She prayed and asked me to pray with her.
The paramedics were not on their game. They didn't ask me any questions, they simply tried to lift me up. I bit one of them. It shocked me. Truly. I've never felt such and base animal response, like a dog who snaps. They laid me back down and then asked me how I fell. I pointed to the balcony above their heads. From my view point, on the ground, looking up at their faces, I knew they had blown it. They exchanged a look of panic and suddenly began treating me with kid gloves.
Neighbors began to gather around and I heard someone ask if they could call someone for me. I asked for my sister, Linda and gave out her number. I knew she would be home and my mother had just been through too much recently to upset her further. There would be time for that.
The ambulance took me to our local hospital,Torrance Memorial, but I was uninsured. The club didn't insure massage therapists because we were independent contractors. The emergency room doctor gave me the option of staying there and paying the big bucks or going to USC General. I opted for the one that wouldn't land me in the poor house or no house.
The long ambulance ride from freeway to freeway to freeway, lying on my side, on a hard board, witha brace around my neck, was fierce. I felt every turn, bump and lane chance. The young man who sat in the back with me was very sweet. Everytime I moaned or groaned or cried out in pain, he would lay an gentle hand on my arm and whispered that it wouldn't be much longer. What he didn't know, was that it would be 8 more hours after he dropped me off before a doctor had time to examine me.
My memory of those long hours is still very clear. I remember hearing a yound child crying in pain. She had a terrible burn. In my stupor I channeled blue and green light to her. When she stopped crying I would drift off into unconsciousness and when her cries began again I would awaken to send her more energy. She stopped crying and I would drift off. This went on for a couple of hours. Sometimes in my unconscious state I would have a dream that I was about to fall. My body would jerk, just like it does sometimes when you are ready to fall asleep. It feels like falling. I guess that's why we call it "falling asleep." But when you have bone fragments in your spinal cord, jerking is not a good thing. The pain was excruciating. I would scream out loud and tighten up all over. My sister, Linda, was very sneaky. Family members were no allowed to enter the ER but she somehow managed to get into that area and talk me down from my high pitched pain until I could relax and release it. She is a healer, like me, and she ran energy through her hands and into me as she very gently helped me focus on breathing and relaxing. I thank God she was there that day. Together we healed the pain and I was able to drift off. Once asleep I would dream of falling and my body would jerk and again I screamed. She would return and we would run energy again and again I would drift off. This went on, hour after hour, after hour. My throat was raw from screaming.
When the USC doctor finally examined me at 7pm he was tired and cranky. I'm not sure what he thought I was doing there but he told me to push with my foot, against his hand. Of course, I couldn't. He said, "Look lady, if you don't cooperate I won't be able to help you." Can you imagine? I told him I couldn't but he had no patience. He shoved my gurney towards someone and ordered them to take me to radiology for pictures.
Radiology was great fun. I had to be transferred from the gurney to the exray table. Ouch! Pictures were taken and I was returned to the E.R. At 8 pm the young intern returned looked rather sheepish and afraid. He said, "Maam? Don't move." He had determined my fracture was very serious, (10 hours after the fall). "You have a very serious fracture. You may never walk again. And, quite frankly, you may not survive the surgery. You need to get your personal affairs in order."
I was looking into his eyes as he spoke. I could see his fear. I thought, "Poor baby, you're so afraid. Don't worry, it'll all be fine." but I didn't say anything aloud.
I was whisked up to a room and shot up with enough drugs to put a horse to sleep. Unfortunately I had a violent reaction to the medication. I could feel the urge to vomit and I panicked. I knew that if I had a violent, uncontrolled response like that I could possibly sever what was left of my spinal cord. My sister, Linda was there. I grabbed her arm with my eyes wide open. "I'm going to throw up!" She said, "That's Okay, Honey. Go ahead, we'll just clean it up." I said, "NO! I can't!" She knew immediately what I was saying and ran for a nurse. The next shot came and I was out. Finally.
What was I to think? I had spent 8 hours lying on a spine board in the middle of the very crowded and busy emergency room of The Los Angeles/USC General Hospital. My throat was raw from my intermittent screaming between moments of unconsciousness. My family waited, not so patiently, in another room while the doctors and nurses scurried around to take care of the gang members who had been in a gunfight. Apparently I was not dying so my name and number kept falling to the bottom of the list. People came and went. Patients with burns, cuts, broken bones and heart attacks were all paraded through, while my gurney remained in the same spot for 8 hours.
At the beginning of that day I had taken a few minutes to really appreciate my beautiful home and surrounding neighborhood. I walked out onto my deck to look across the street at the park with it's expansive green lawn and countless trees. I loved sitting outside with my morning cup of tea, watching the sunrise over the city. Every morning, Cadbury, our lop-eared,dwarf bunny, was allowed out of his cage to run around on the deck and explore the various plants and flowers I had there. The mornings were wonderfully quiet and peaceful. On that particular day, the silence was broken by the sound of birds busily chirping and singing for their food. It was early June, 1987. It was not quite summer but the day promised to be a scorcher. A heat wave had been predicted by our weather man and I could feel it even as the cool shadows of dawn receded. I made a mental note to remind my, then, 11 year-old daughter, Shanon, to dress accordingly. Even though we lived only a few miles from the Pacific Ocean, our little neighborhood of Walteria sat in a small nook below the Palos Verdes Penninsula so we received very little of the ocean breeze enjoyed just a short walk away.
This was an exciting time for my daughter. She was preparing for her last week at Walteria Elementary School. She and her friends were giggly with the anticipation of going to the middle school where she would have her own locker and where they were going to move from class to class, from subject to subject. The only pall over this beautiful Spring day was the recent death of my father, her "Tata". On March 20 she got her new braces and on March 23 he died. Now, the excitement of moving forward had a bit of sadness mixed in.
After I watched her walk to meet the school bus, I finished up my tea and retreated to the bathroom to prepare for work. I was managing my sister's restaurant, "Pancho and Lupe's". I was also working as a massage therapist at The Manhattan Club For Women. I knew it would be a long day but I felt prepared. I was happy to help my sister out until she found someone to take over, and I loved working at the club. My life was good, and I was feeling settled and productive. When.....
Before I left the house I needed to put Cadbury back into his cage. I walked out onto the deck and he wasn't there. I look over a low wall the separated my deck from my neighbors and sure enough, he had managed to find his way to her strawberries. The deck had a low cinder block wall on the street side and a few feet between my apartment and hers. I was in a hurry, not wanting to be late for work, but I couldn't just leave Cadbury there to demolish her little garden. I sat down on the wall, with my back to the street, planning on swinging my legs over to her deck to capture him. But, as plans sometimes go, I miscalculated. I lifted my legs too fast and too high. I knew I was in trouble when I felt myself leaning too far back and my fingertips began to slip off the side of the block wall. My first thought? "Oh shit". Seriously. That's what I heard in my head.
To this day I can still remember the sequence of thoughts as the realization hit me that I was going over the wall in a backward somersault sort of way. The first thought was to remember what was behind me. A quick calculation of how far down it was to the ground and what was below me played out. Hard packed dirt planter, large tree, four feet to sidewalk concrete. Hmmmm. "What can I grab?" "Nothing." "This is big." I thought. "I could die here." "Oh well." And away I went. A memory flashed. It was a memory from high school P.E. I was on a trampoline and my P.E. teacher said, "If you feel like your falling and might be out of control, try to fall flat, you'll do less damage." It's funny the things the flash through your mind in these situations. I took her advice and tried to fall flat. 9 feet was a long way down and it seemed to take a bit of time before impact.
So, picture this. I'm sitting on the wall, my legs come up and over I go, ass over head in a very unflattering yoga position. My pubic bone slammed me on my chin. The impact was on my upper back so all of the air was pushed out of my lungs. I was unconscious for a few moments when I heard an unfamiliar sound. It was a low growling sound that brought me to. It was the sound of trying to get air back into my lungs. I opened my eyes to see my thighs laying on my face. I tried to move them but nothing. I used my hands to push them away from me so I could get a breath. My legs slid down the side of the wall and thudded to the ground, and I thought, "Oh shit."
Now this is an interesting part. In my mind's eye, I saw a black and white image. It was a darkened stage with a solo spot light shining down on an empty wheel chair. My very first response to that image was, "No, that is not my reality. This condition is temporary." I had the presence of mind to know not to feed that image. I believed I just needed a moment to gather my energy and my legs would work just fine.
Nobody had seen me fall. I was alone, under the tree, next to the sidewalk, unable to move my lower body. I tried to pull myself up by holding onto the trunk of the tree but the movement triggered a great deal of pain. Again, "Oh shit". I tried one more time but my fingers slipped off of the bark of the tree and broke a couple of nails. Next thought? "Edie, (my manicurist) is going to kill me." I had just had a manicure the day before. I know, I know....how silly to be thinking of that when you are laying on the ground with a broken back, unable to move your legs, but there it is.
T12 vertebrae was crushed into my spinal cord. I wasn't going anywhere. I had to call out for help. I was calm up until I heard my own voice calling out, "Help! Somebody help me please." I wanted to cry. I felt so vulnerable. I called out a few more times and finally I heard a voice, a woman's voice. "Where are you?" I was in a corner, in the bushes, beneath a tree, well hidden. "I'm over here." I called back, raising my hands to wave the way. I saw her face come around the corner of the wall. I'm not sure what I looked like, but from the look on her face, it wasn't good. Without a word she ran away. I said,"No, wait." but she was gone. Another voice, a man's voice came from not too far away. He came over to me and knelt down beside me. He said, "Don't worry, I've called the paramedics." He was a lineman and had been up on a telephone pole across the street. He didn't see me fall but he heard the panic in my call for help. He called 911 from his perch. He held my hand and soon thereafter the woman returned with a blanket. They both stayed with me until help arrived. She prayed and asked me to pray with her.
The paramedics were not on their game. They didn't ask me any questions, they simply tried to lift me up. I bit one of them. It shocked me. Truly. I've never felt such and base animal response, like a dog who snaps. They laid me back down and then asked me how I fell. I pointed to the balcony above their heads. From my view point, on the ground, looking up at their faces, I knew they had blown it. They exchanged a look of panic and suddenly began treating me with kid gloves.
Neighbors began to gather around and I heard someone ask if they could call someone for me. I asked for my sister, Linda and gave out her number. I knew she would be home and my mother had just been through too much recently to upset her further. There would be time for that.
The ambulance took me to our local hospital,Torrance Memorial, but I was uninsured. The club didn't insure massage therapists because we were independent contractors. The emergency room doctor gave me the option of staying there and paying the big bucks or going to USC General. I opted for the one that wouldn't land me in the poor house or no house.
The long ambulance ride from freeway to freeway to freeway, lying on my side, on a hard board, witha brace around my neck, was fierce. I felt every turn, bump and lane chance. The young man who sat in the back with me was very sweet. Everytime I moaned or groaned or cried out in pain, he would lay an gentle hand on my arm and whispered that it wouldn't be much longer. What he didn't know, was that it would be 8 more hours after he dropped me off before a doctor had time to examine me.
My memory of those long hours is still very clear. I remember hearing a yound child crying in pain. She had a terrible burn. In my stupor I channeled blue and green light to her. When she stopped crying I would drift off into unconsciousness and when her cries began again I would awaken to send her more energy. She stopped crying and I would drift off. This went on for a couple of hours. Sometimes in my unconscious state I would have a dream that I was about to fall. My body would jerk, just like it does sometimes when you are ready to fall asleep. It feels like falling. I guess that's why we call it "falling asleep." But when you have bone fragments in your spinal cord, jerking is not a good thing. The pain was excruciating. I would scream out loud and tighten up all over. My sister, Linda, was very sneaky. Family members were no allowed to enter the ER but she somehow managed to get into that area and talk me down from my high pitched pain until I could relax and release it. She is a healer, like me, and she ran energy through her hands and into me as she very gently helped me focus on breathing and relaxing. I thank God she was there that day. Together we healed the pain and I was able to drift off. Once asleep I would dream of falling and my body would jerk and again I screamed. She would return and we would run energy again and again I would drift off. This went on, hour after hour, after hour. My throat was raw from screaming.
When the USC doctor finally examined me at 7pm he was tired and cranky. I'm not sure what he thought I was doing there but he told me to push with my foot, against his hand. Of course, I couldn't. He said, "Look lady, if you don't cooperate I won't be able to help you." Can you imagine? I told him I couldn't but he had no patience. He shoved my gurney towards someone and ordered them to take me to radiology for pictures.
Radiology was great fun. I had to be transferred from the gurney to the exray table. Ouch! Pictures were taken and I was returned to the E.R. At 8 pm the young intern returned looked rather sheepish and afraid. He said, "Maam? Don't move." He had determined my fracture was very serious, (10 hours after the fall). "You have a very serious fracture. You may never walk again. And, quite frankly, you may not survive the surgery. You need to get your personal affairs in order."
I was looking into his eyes as he spoke. I could see his fear. I thought, "Poor baby, you're so afraid. Don't worry, it'll all be fine." but I didn't say anything aloud.
I was whisked up to a room and shot up with enough drugs to put a horse to sleep. Unfortunately I had a violent reaction to the medication. I could feel the urge to vomit and I panicked. I knew that if I had a violent, uncontrolled response like that I could possibly sever what was left of my spinal cord. My sister, Linda was there. I grabbed her arm with my eyes wide open. "I'm going to throw up!" She said, "That's Okay, Honey. Go ahead, we'll just clean it up." I said, "NO! I can't!" She knew immediately what I was saying and ran for a nurse. The next shot came and I was out. Finally.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Karen W.
A 42 year-old, divorced woman, suffering from severe tension headaches, called for an appointment for bodywork. She said she believed her headaches were the result of a very high pressure job in the aerospace industry. Her executive position required her to travel to Washington D.C. regularly for meetings with government representatives and military personnel. On top of her stressful career responsibilities she was in a dramatic legal battle, with her ex-husband, for the custody of her two young boys. Her husband believed their boys should attend the fundamental Christian school were he was an acting bishop. His corporal punishment philosophy of child rearing was the source of her emotional pain. Her boys were ordered, by the judge, to be evaluated by a child psychologist. She had received the first report of many to come.
My primary intention was to relieve her headaches and to see what came up during our first session. Using massage, Reiki and acupressure techniques her pain was easily relieved. What came up during that first session was more than I expected.
My bodywork office is kept dark, lit by candles and the only sounds in the room are from a small water fountain, soft ethereal music and my voice. Using guided imagery, I talked her through a series of relaxation exercises to get her head out of the courtroom and boardroom and into the present experience. She followed along easily.
Halfway through her session I recognized a presence in the room with us. I continued working on her tension points while observing the spirit at the foot of the massage table.
When someone comes in for bodywork, I rarely discuss the other work I do. Not everyone is open to the psychic aspect of my healing work. But, in this case, I decided it was something I should try to gently bring to her attention. I trust that if a spirit shows up, the client is usually ready to hear the information that is being presented and as it turned out in this case, Karen was open and willing to hear it all.
I described the energy I was seeing. As I’ve shared before, I am clairvoyant. I see images and get information telepathically. After describing the female spirit at the end of the table, Karen said, “That’s my mother. She died 12 years ago.” Her mother had been agitated when she first appeared but as soon as her daughter recognized her presence, she relaxed with a smile. I don’t recall the details of that first session with Karen and her mother but I do remember that when Karen left my office she was radiant. Her headache was gone; she said she felt relaxed and hopeful for the first time in months.
During the following weeks and months Karen and her mother continued their weekly sessions with me. I learned that Karen had met a man in Washington D.C. she was falling in love with but her divorce had left her feeling unsure and distrusting. The relationship was loving yet she felt unable to move forward considering the geographic distance, the issue of her boys and her unrelenting fear of another commitment. She was troubled about what to do with this new relationship. Should she break it off or grit her teeth and force herself to move forward?
During the fourth session, Karen’s mother appeared wearing a black scarf over her head and face, as if she was in mourning. That is not how she appeared in our past sessions as she was normally a happy energy. She told me that she wanted to talk about her death. I asked Karen about that. She told me that her mother had had an accident. She died from an accidental fall down some stairs in her home. While she told me the facts her father had told her, Karen’s mother was vehemently shaking her head, “NO”. Her father had said her mother had been up late and sometime after he had gone to sleep she must have tripped and fallen down a flight of stairs. He said he discovered her body when he woke the next morning.
The story Karen’s mother showed me was slightly different. She showed me the entire incident from a different perspective. Her father and mother were at the top of the stairs arguing. She had been drinking and was pointing her finger at him. He pushed her away from him and she tumbled backwards and down the stairs. He ran down after her. She was still breathing, but unconscious. He was afraid of what had happened and how it would look to the authorities. He did’t’ know what to do. He paced back and forth trying to decide what to do. He chose to wait until she stopped breathing. It took a bit of time but by 4 am she was gone. At sunrise he called the police.
I watched the story unfold as her Mother was showing me. I wasn’t sure if I should tell Karen what I was seeing but, I believe if I’m being shown something, there is a reason. I very slowly suggested that dad’s story may not have been the whole truth.
Karen said, “That wouldn’t surprise me at all. Dad’s behavior after Mom died was very strange. He has not moved a thing of hers from the house. Everything is exactly as it was the day she died. Her clothes are still in the closets, her art on the walls, and all of her furniture is still in the same place it was the day she died. The first couple of years after her death he would go to the cemetery, to her grave site, and take pictures of himself there and send copies to all three of his daughters.
I asked her if she wanted to know what her mother was showing me. She didn’t hesitate to answer. She wanted to know everything.
After I finished telling her what I was being shown, she said that she had suspected as much all along. She also said it was unnecessary to share that information with anyone else. Her father had been suffering with grief and guilt for all these years and bringing it up now would do only harm. She was able to forgive her father immediately. She explained that her parent’s relationship had suffered through the years because of her mother’s drinking. Every night her father would go to bed at 10, alone, and her mother would stay up reading and drinking. That scenario had been the source of many arguments. Her mother nodded in agreement and didn’t seem to need any more than the truth to be told to Karen.
Weeks passed and we continued our sessions. Massage and Intuitive Healing went hand in hand. One day her mother showed up during our session and she had with her a box. She told me its contents were extremely important. The box looked like a sewing basket with a hinged lid. The top of the box had fabric on it. When her mother opened the box she did not show me what was inside but conveyed the urgency for Karen to find it.
Again, I described the box and the message. I told her I wasn’t able to see the contents but that her mother seemed to be insistent about its importance. Karen said that she didn’t know of such a box but that if it mother had anything like I described, it would still be in her father’s home in Maryland. As it turned out, she was flying back for a visit the following day. She said she would ask her father about it.
Three days later I received a long distance call from Karen. She was in a state of emotional gratitude. She told me that she and her father looked in every closet and cupboard for the box I described. They searched every room including the attic. They went down to the basement and back in a corner, under the fabric I described, was the box. Inside of it were letters and notes in her mother’s handwriting. She had written poems and had jotted down notes from services at her church. She wrote about love and trust and faith. She wrote about commitment, communion and God. In those notes and letters were the answers to the questions that Karen was struggling with, in regard to her new relationship and her fear of moving forward with her life and her love.
A month later I received a package in the mail with a personal note from Karen. She said finding those letters and notes of her mother's was an enormous gift for her, her sisters and her entire family. It was the healing they were all waiting for. Karen had put all of her mothers writings in a bound book and sent copies to her sisters and friends of her mother’s and one to me. Our sessions came to an end shortly thereafter.
Karen won her custody case and decided to follow her mother’s written advice to trust and to love. She married Bob and moved to Washington D.C. Her mother’s poetry was read at their wedding ceremony. She no longer suffers from headaches. It truly was a miraculous experience.
My primary intention was to relieve her headaches and to see what came up during our first session. Using massage, Reiki and acupressure techniques her pain was easily relieved. What came up during that first session was more than I expected.
My bodywork office is kept dark, lit by candles and the only sounds in the room are from a small water fountain, soft ethereal music and my voice. Using guided imagery, I talked her through a series of relaxation exercises to get her head out of the courtroom and boardroom and into the present experience. She followed along easily.
Halfway through her session I recognized a presence in the room with us. I continued working on her tension points while observing the spirit at the foot of the massage table.
When someone comes in for bodywork, I rarely discuss the other work I do. Not everyone is open to the psychic aspect of my healing work. But, in this case, I decided it was something I should try to gently bring to her attention. I trust that if a spirit shows up, the client is usually ready to hear the information that is being presented and as it turned out in this case, Karen was open and willing to hear it all.
I described the energy I was seeing. As I’ve shared before, I am clairvoyant. I see images and get information telepathically. After describing the female spirit at the end of the table, Karen said, “That’s my mother. She died 12 years ago.” Her mother had been agitated when she first appeared but as soon as her daughter recognized her presence, she relaxed with a smile. I don’t recall the details of that first session with Karen and her mother but I do remember that when Karen left my office she was radiant. Her headache was gone; she said she felt relaxed and hopeful for the first time in months.
During the following weeks and months Karen and her mother continued their weekly sessions with me. I learned that Karen had met a man in Washington D.C. she was falling in love with but her divorce had left her feeling unsure and distrusting. The relationship was loving yet she felt unable to move forward considering the geographic distance, the issue of her boys and her unrelenting fear of another commitment. She was troubled about what to do with this new relationship. Should she break it off or grit her teeth and force herself to move forward?
During the fourth session, Karen’s mother appeared wearing a black scarf over her head and face, as if she was in mourning. That is not how she appeared in our past sessions as she was normally a happy energy. She told me that she wanted to talk about her death. I asked Karen about that. She told me that her mother had had an accident. She died from an accidental fall down some stairs in her home. While she told me the facts her father had told her, Karen’s mother was vehemently shaking her head, “NO”. Her father had said her mother had been up late and sometime after he had gone to sleep she must have tripped and fallen down a flight of stairs. He said he discovered her body when he woke the next morning.
The story Karen’s mother showed me was slightly different. She showed me the entire incident from a different perspective. Her father and mother were at the top of the stairs arguing. She had been drinking and was pointing her finger at him. He pushed her away from him and she tumbled backwards and down the stairs. He ran down after her. She was still breathing, but unconscious. He was afraid of what had happened and how it would look to the authorities. He did’t’ know what to do. He paced back and forth trying to decide what to do. He chose to wait until she stopped breathing. It took a bit of time but by 4 am she was gone. At sunrise he called the police.
I watched the story unfold as her Mother was showing me. I wasn’t sure if I should tell Karen what I was seeing but, I believe if I’m being shown something, there is a reason. I very slowly suggested that dad’s story may not have been the whole truth.
Karen said, “That wouldn’t surprise me at all. Dad’s behavior after Mom died was very strange. He has not moved a thing of hers from the house. Everything is exactly as it was the day she died. Her clothes are still in the closets, her art on the walls, and all of her furniture is still in the same place it was the day she died. The first couple of years after her death he would go to the cemetery, to her grave site, and take pictures of himself there and send copies to all three of his daughters.
I asked her if she wanted to know what her mother was showing me. She didn’t hesitate to answer. She wanted to know everything.
After I finished telling her what I was being shown, she said that she had suspected as much all along. She also said it was unnecessary to share that information with anyone else. Her father had been suffering with grief and guilt for all these years and bringing it up now would do only harm. She was able to forgive her father immediately. She explained that her parent’s relationship had suffered through the years because of her mother’s drinking. Every night her father would go to bed at 10, alone, and her mother would stay up reading and drinking. That scenario had been the source of many arguments. Her mother nodded in agreement and didn’t seem to need any more than the truth to be told to Karen.
Weeks passed and we continued our sessions. Massage and Intuitive Healing went hand in hand. One day her mother showed up during our session and she had with her a box. She told me its contents were extremely important. The box looked like a sewing basket with a hinged lid. The top of the box had fabric on it. When her mother opened the box she did not show me what was inside but conveyed the urgency for Karen to find it.
Again, I described the box and the message. I told her I wasn’t able to see the contents but that her mother seemed to be insistent about its importance. Karen said that she didn’t know of such a box but that if it mother had anything like I described, it would still be in her father’s home in Maryland. As it turned out, she was flying back for a visit the following day. She said she would ask her father about it.
Three days later I received a long distance call from Karen. She was in a state of emotional gratitude. She told me that she and her father looked in every closet and cupboard for the box I described. They searched every room including the attic. They went down to the basement and back in a corner, under the fabric I described, was the box. Inside of it were letters and notes in her mother’s handwriting. She had written poems and had jotted down notes from services at her church. She wrote about love and trust and faith. She wrote about commitment, communion and God. In those notes and letters were the answers to the questions that Karen was struggling with, in regard to her new relationship and her fear of moving forward with her life and her love.
A month later I received a package in the mail with a personal note from Karen. She said finding those letters and notes of her mother's was an enormous gift for her, her sisters and her entire family. It was the healing they were all waiting for. Karen had put all of her mothers writings in a bound book and sent copies to her sisters and friends of her mother’s and one to me. Our sessions came to an end shortly thereafter.
Karen won her custody case and decided to follow her mother’s written advice to trust and to love. She married Bob and moved to Washington D.C. Her mother’s poetry was read at their wedding ceremony. She no longer suffers from headaches. It truly was a miraculous experience.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
From "Animal-Speak"
Many ancient myths and stories speak of a magical time and place in which there were no boundaries between humans and animals. Animals and humans spoke. Wild and tame had no meaning. And always the divine revealed itself in Nature.
The natural world and the animals within it speak to us everyday: by their appearances, behaviors, movements, and characteristic patterns. When we know what to look for, we can use them as omens--not in a superstitious sense, but in the development of true prophecy and higher perception.
This morning, with my morning coffee and cereal bowl, I sat outside in the cool dampness of the sunrise. I placed the Blue jays peanuts on the table and waited while I looked into the sun and meditated for peace and prosperity to embrace all who are ready to receive. I also put my attention on health and energy for me to pursue my new goals.
Two tiny hummingbirds, chirping loudly, swiftly came into view. They hovered right between me and the sunrise as if knowing their dark forms against the bright light would get my focused attention. They stayed there for quite some time. As you know, hummingbirds are here one minute and gone the next. Not so this morning.
Here is what it says about the message of Hummingbird spirit in "Animal-Speak".
"We have all heard how good it is to whistle while we work, but humming is much more
effective. It creates an internal massage, restoring health and balance. This the hummingbird reminds us to do. It reminds us to find joy in what we do and to sing it out."
"It has the ability to move its wings in a figure 8 pattern--a symbol for infinity and links to the past and future and the laws of cause and effect."
"Hummingbird can reach high speed at take off. It can also stop immediately in flight from a high speed. it is such a skillful flyer and is not afraid of any predator. Hummingbirds have been known to chase off eagles."
"The hummingbird is the most skillful flyer of all birds. It can hover in
the air. It can fly backward, forward and sideways. In fact, it
cannot walk; it flies everywhere. It reminds us that if we truly
enjoy what we are doing, we become light as a feather, and life is
rich with nectar."
Today, I will hum through my chores creating health and balance in my
body. I will activate JOY and sing it out. I am light as a feather in
spirit and my life is rich with prosperity! I know this is so, and so
it is.
Thank you. I love you.
Elizabeth
The natural world and the animals within it speak to us everyday: by their appearances, behaviors, movements, and characteristic patterns. When we know what to look for, we can use them as omens--not in a superstitious sense, but in the development of true prophecy and higher perception.
This morning, with my morning coffee and cereal bowl, I sat outside in the cool dampness of the sunrise. I placed the Blue jays peanuts on the table and waited while I looked into the sun and meditated for peace and prosperity to embrace all who are ready to receive. I also put my attention on health and energy for me to pursue my new goals.
Two tiny hummingbirds, chirping loudly, swiftly came into view. They hovered right between me and the sunrise as if knowing their dark forms against the bright light would get my focused attention. They stayed there for quite some time. As you know, hummingbirds are here one minute and gone the next. Not so this morning.
Here is what it says about the message of Hummingbird spirit in "Animal-Speak".
"We have all heard how good it is to whistle while we work, but humming is much more
effective. It creates an internal massage, restoring health and balance. This the hummingbird reminds us to do. It reminds us to find joy in what we do and to sing it out."
"It has the ability to move its wings in a figure 8 pattern--a symbol for infinity and links to the past and future and the laws of cause and effect."
"Hummingbird can reach high speed at take off. It can also stop immediately in flight from a high speed. it is such a skillful flyer and is not afraid of any predator. Hummingbirds have been known to chase off eagles."
"The hummingbird is the most skillful flyer of all birds. It can hover in
the air. It can fly backward, forward and sideways. In fact, it
cannot walk; it flies everywhere. It reminds us that if we truly
enjoy what we are doing, we become light as a feather, and life is
rich with nectar."
Today, I will hum through my chores creating health and balance in my
body. I will activate JOY and sing it out. I am light as a feather in
spirit and my life is rich with prosperity! I know this is so, and so
it is.
Thank you. I love you.
Elizabeth
Friday, October 17, 2008
Shifting Your Vibrational Output.
The doom and gloom prognosticators don't know what you know. They either don't know, or they don't care. What they know is that bad news sells. Disasters and chaos sells. Murders, kidnappings and wars, sell. We tune in to see what the stock market is doing and how the housing market will affect us and what the job situation is and down we go, down the dark rabbit hole of doom and gloom. That will insure us tuning in again later. What they don't know is energy attracts like energy. What they don't know is that when you are constantly talking about and thinking about what is wrong or what may go wrong, and looking for evidence that it's all going wrong, it will. It will all go wrong for those who are looking for it to go wrong.
If you don't want to go down into the dark rabbit hole of pessimism then start looking for the positive evidence this change is bringing about. Shift your vibration from fear and dread to hope and courage. Check out www.goodnewsnetwork.org.
New industries are being created. New discoveries and inventions are popping up all over the world. Necessity is the mother of invention! For every job lost, one is being created. For every flower that fades one is preparing to grow. It is the cycle of life. It is the cycle and patterns of energy.
Look, I'm an old woman. I've lived through many economic downturns. I've watching the markets go up and down for many years. What I know is that panic and fear will take it down further and hope and courage and willingness to change will bring it back up.
David Hawkins wrote a wonderful book, "Power vs. Force" sharing his findings from many years of studying the human energy field and the vibration of thoughts and beliefs and emotions. He created a Map of Consciousness when he calibrated levels of energy from the conscious awareness of thoughts, beliefs and emotional output. When we are vibrating with the low and slow tone of fear our egos try to force things to happen. We become controlling and constricted. We pull our energy in like an pill bug. When we constrict with fear, we raise our blood pressure, and create an energetic block wall around us so nothing can get in to hurt us. We go into survival mode, and become hyper vigilant, looking for the hidden danger in every shadow. It works to keep everything out but in keeping everything out for our protection we are keeping out peace of mind, radiant health, compassion, appreciation, and Love.
When we are vibrating with courage, self love, appreciation and compassion, we activate a shift in our vibrational output to be the attractors of positive experiences. When we vibrate with love, faith and trust we feel expanded and open. We become the blessed receivers of more love.
Your thoughts, emotions and experiences are a vibrational match.
That is why the worse you feel the worse things get. That's why, "When it rains, it pours"
The universe holds unlimited potential and possibilities. Instead of constricting with fear and dread, open up with courage, hope and love and allow the new ideas, opportunities and possibilities to manifest in your reality.
Here is a simple mantra. "Thank you! I love you!" Say it to yourself all day long. Say it to your inner child, your inner intuitive coach, your higher self, middle self and lower self. Breathe deeply to relax and repeat it in your mind until it activates in your cells.
David Hawkins noted that the higher vibrations of the minority will shift the vibration of the majority. For every person vibrating at willingness or courage, it will counter the negative vibration of hundreds of thousands of people lost in fear.
You do it, I do it, we all do it with our attention. What do you want to put your attention on today?
Thank you, I love you.
If you don't want to go down into the dark rabbit hole of pessimism then start looking for the positive evidence this change is bringing about. Shift your vibration from fear and dread to hope and courage. Check out www.goodnewsnetwork.org.
New industries are being created. New discoveries and inventions are popping up all over the world. Necessity is the mother of invention! For every job lost, one is being created. For every flower that fades one is preparing to grow. It is the cycle of life. It is the cycle and patterns of energy.
Look, I'm an old woman. I've lived through many economic downturns. I've watching the markets go up and down for many years. What I know is that panic and fear will take it down further and hope and courage and willingness to change will bring it back up.
David Hawkins wrote a wonderful book, "Power vs. Force" sharing his findings from many years of studying the human energy field and the vibration of thoughts and beliefs and emotions. He created a Map of Consciousness when he calibrated levels of energy from the conscious awareness of thoughts, beliefs and emotional output. When we are vibrating with the low and slow tone of fear our egos try to force things to happen. We become controlling and constricted. We pull our energy in like an pill bug. When we constrict with fear, we raise our blood pressure, and create an energetic block wall around us so nothing can get in to hurt us. We go into survival mode, and become hyper vigilant, looking for the hidden danger in every shadow. It works to keep everything out but in keeping everything out for our protection we are keeping out peace of mind, radiant health, compassion, appreciation, and Love.
When we are vibrating with courage, self love, appreciation and compassion, we activate a shift in our vibrational output to be the attractors of positive experiences. When we vibrate with love, faith and trust we feel expanded and open. We become the blessed receivers of more love.
Your thoughts, emotions and experiences are a vibrational match.
That is why the worse you feel the worse things get. That's why, "When it rains, it pours"
The universe holds unlimited potential and possibilities. Instead of constricting with fear and dread, open up with courage, hope and love and allow the new ideas, opportunities and possibilities to manifest in your reality.
Here is a simple mantra. "Thank you! I love you!" Say it to yourself all day long. Say it to your inner child, your inner intuitive coach, your higher self, middle self and lower self. Breathe deeply to relax and repeat it in your mind until it activates in your cells.
David Hawkins noted that the higher vibrations of the minority will shift the vibration of the majority. For every person vibrating at willingness or courage, it will counter the negative vibration of hundreds of thousands of people lost in fear.
You do it, I do it, we all do it with our attention. What do you want to put your attention on today?
Thank you, I love you.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Join us for a national conference call....
We will share in a Non-Partisan Meditation for the Highest Good in the Elections
Thursday, October 16, 5pm (PDT); 8pm (EDT)
We’ll begin with A Prayer for Our Nation (see below) and then meditate together on the Soul of our nation, asking for the highest good in the upcoming elections.
We’ll then dialogue with other visionaries around the country who will be on the call, and together share insights about our collective future, especially addressing the current financial crisis.
Call (308) 344-6400; enter code 344107# when prompted; conference call is free--you only pay regular long distance charges.
The Prayer for Our Nation and the Meditation for the Election that we’ll be using is below. You can print it out for the call and use it as often as possible before the election on November 4th. Feel free to share it with friends.
Thursday, October 16, 5pm (PDT); 8pm (EDT)
We’ll begin with A Prayer for Our Nation (see below) and then meditate together on the Soul of our nation, asking for the highest good in the upcoming elections.
We’ll then dialogue with other visionaries around the country who will be on the call, and together share insights about our collective future, especially addressing the current financial crisis.
Call (308) 344-6400; enter code 344107# when prompted; conference call is free--you only pay regular long distance charges.
The Prayer for Our Nation and the Meditation for the Election that we’ll be using is below. You can print it out for the call and use it as often as possible before the election on November 4th. Feel free to share it with friends.
A Prayer For Our Nation
A Prayer for Our Nation
May we as nation be guided by the Divine to rediscover the sacred flame of our national heritage, which so many have given their lives to safeguard;
Let the wounds of separation and division be healed by opening our hearts to listen to the truth on all sides, allowing us to find a higher truth that includes us all;
May we learn to honor and enjoy our diversity and differences as a people, even as we more deeply touch our fundamental unity;
May we, as a people, undergo a transformation that will draw forth individuals to lead our nation who embody courage, compassion and a higher vision;
May our leaders inspire us, and we so inspire each other, that a new spirit of forgiveness, caring and honesty be born in our nation;
May we, as a united people, move with clear, directed purpose to take our place within the community of nations to help build a better future for all humankind;
May we as a nation rededicate ourselves to truly living as one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all;
And may God’s Will be done for our nation, as we, the people, align with that Will.
--By Gordon Davidson and Corinne McLaughlin
www.visionarylead.org
Non-Partisan Meditation for the Highest Good in the Election
Begin by taking a few deep breaths to relax your body, emotions and mind, breathing in peace and stillness.
Link inwardly with all of those around the world who are also meditating for the U.S. at this time, connecting with them heart to heart and soul to soul.
Set aside your own political views and align with your highest self; inwardly affirm your intention in this meditation, using the prayers of your own spiritual tradition.
Align with the soul of America, her highest purpose, and see this nation and her people surrounded with spiritual light and love so that they may vote with wisdom and clarity.
Ask the higher spiritual forces to protect the election process on national, state and local levels, and to ensure a fair election, free from tampering.
Pray that the election bring forth the highest good for the American people and for all humanity, with the most positive outcome.
Visualize a beautiful future for America—healthy, peaceful, and sustainable.
-- By Corinne McLaughlin
May we as nation be guided by the Divine to rediscover the sacred flame of our national heritage, which so many have given their lives to safeguard;
Let the wounds of separation and division be healed by opening our hearts to listen to the truth on all sides, allowing us to find a higher truth that includes us all;
May we learn to honor and enjoy our diversity and differences as a people, even as we more deeply touch our fundamental unity;
May we, as a people, undergo a transformation that will draw forth individuals to lead our nation who embody courage, compassion and a higher vision;
May our leaders inspire us, and we so inspire each other, that a new spirit of forgiveness, caring and honesty be born in our nation;
May we, as a united people, move with clear, directed purpose to take our place within the community of nations to help build a better future for all humankind;
May we as a nation rededicate ourselves to truly living as one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all;
And may God’s Will be done for our nation, as we, the people, align with that Will.
--By Gordon Davidson and Corinne McLaughlin
www.visionarylead.org
Non-Partisan Meditation for the Highest Good in the Election
Begin by taking a few deep breaths to relax your body, emotions and mind, breathing in peace and stillness.
Link inwardly with all of those around the world who are also meditating for the U.S. at this time, connecting with them heart to heart and soul to soul.
Set aside your own political views and align with your highest self; inwardly affirm your intention in this meditation, using the prayers of your own spiritual tradition.
Align with the soul of America, her highest purpose, and see this nation and her people surrounded with spiritual light and love so that they may vote with wisdom and clarity.
Ask the higher spiritual forces to protect the election process on national, state and local levels, and to ensure a fair election, free from tampering.
Pray that the election bring forth the highest good for the American people and for all humanity, with the most positive outcome.
Visualize a beautiful future for America—healthy, peaceful, and sustainable.
-- By Corinne McLaughlin
Monday, October 13, 2008
My script for today
Woohooo! Summer is really over now. I'm wearing my cashmere robe and I've turned on the heater in my office. I LOVE this time of year. We've had some cold and severe winds blowing through Southern California and the sunrise this morning is gorgeous because of it. Sunrise is my favorite time. It's quiet. The neighbors haven't started up their cars and their kids are still sleeping. The beach is empty of tourists and the teenagers and their surfboards haven't arrived yet. There are a few of us brave souls walking in the retreating shadows of night, watching the the reflection of the early light on the waves.
Sunrise is the promise of a new beginning. It's a fresh start. Each day brings an abundance of new opportunities and potential. I am reaffirming that we are in the flow of a greater good than we can yet imagine. I am allowing myself to be guided by the invisible hand of my highest good today.
Here is my script for today.
I am willing to feel courageous as I move through my day today. I want to be filled with loving patience and energy as I care for my mother and confront my resistances to completing my website. I am the source of my fears, stubborness and resentments as well as my grace, love and wisdom. Today I choose kindness to be my point of attraction. I am in the eye of the storm. I am in the peace and calm and Light. I am peace and grace and love. I manage my energetic output to be at a higher vibration for me and everyone I come in contact with. I trust this process of change. I trust we are moving into a new and improved way of thinking and being. We are the change we've been asking for and I am grateful that I am a witness and willing participant of the great shift of our awareness. This is a great beginning. I know this is so, and so it is.
Sunrise is the promise of a new beginning. It's a fresh start. Each day brings an abundance of new opportunities and potential. I am reaffirming that we are in the flow of a greater good than we can yet imagine. I am allowing myself to be guided by the invisible hand of my highest good today.
Here is my script for today.
I am willing to feel courageous as I move through my day today. I want to be filled with loving patience and energy as I care for my mother and confront my resistances to completing my website. I am the source of my fears, stubborness and resentments as well as my grace, love and wisdom. Today I choose kindness to be my point of attraction. I am in the eye of the storm. I am in the peace and calm and Light. I am peace and grace and love. I manage my energetic output to be at a higher vibration for me and everyone I come in contact with. I trust this process of change. I trust we are moving into a new and improved way of thinking and being. We are the change we've been asking for and I am grateful that I am a witness and willing participant of the great shift of our awareness. This is a great beginning. I know this is so, and so it is.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Enough Blame 'For This Economic Storm To Go Around?
All parties are saying that there is enough blame for this economic storm to go around and that there will be time to point fingers later, after the election.
Here it is, the storm is roaring in the ears of the recent and soon-to-be homeless, the recently unemployed and now uninsured, the small business owners and large business owners, the retired and soon-to-be retired and nobody wants to take responsibility for this global chaos.
The religious right came out and said that hurricane Katrina was blamed on gays or the godless of America. Failing schools and education is blamed on the loss of religious prayers in public schools. Earthquakes are blamed on a vengeful God for communism but the economic failures are business practices? What? Not on God's anger at the blatant greed? Not God's vengeance for lying, cheating and stealing? What happened? The religious right is silent this time. Isn't greed one of the seven deadly sins? Isn't stealing mentioned in the Ten Commandments? Where are the religious leaders now? It's pretty quiet out there except for the sound of the global economic/political storm.
We could blame President Bill Clinton and his Republican Congress for encouraging Fannie and Freddie to offer more sub prime loans to low income families to give them a chance at the American Dream, or we could blame President George Bush and his many minions for deregulation of the mortgage and banking system. We could even go as far back as Ronald Reagan's 'trickle down economics'. Let's blame and blame and blame until we finally have ignored the storm long enough to allow it to blow over and then we'll go back to life as usual....hmmmm?
I have another idea. Let's all take responsibility for our actions that were not motivated by love or grace. Let's go deep inside of our conscious awareness and look for any and all of our arrogant sense of entitlement to plunder the Earth of her natural resources for our personal pleasure. Let's ask everyone to look inside for the actions we may have taken that were motivated by anything other than our highest good or the highest good for all of humanity. Let's pull out each and every old dark secret, when we were less than honest, less than authentic, less than loving, less than generous, less than compassionate and bring those energies into the Light to forgive ourselves, to heal our energies of greed and irresponsibility and personal guilt.
The world is a reflection of you. What you see on the large stage of American politics and economic systems is a reflection of the consciousness of the majority.
I think this storm is raging like a hurricane. It will clear the weak foundations we have built. It will offer us all an opportunity to re-evaluate our priorities. We have purchased blindly. We have greedily gathered our 'stuff'. We filled our homes with toxic toys and gadgets that we don't need but have somehow convinced ourselves we must have. We have charged up our credit cards and not saved for the rainy days...well it's raining now. The storm is here. The winds of change are blowing.
We cannot hide from ourselves any longer. We cannot waste another minute blaming others or God for any of this.
Here is what I told my class last night. Move to the eye of the storm. There is peace and calm and blue sky there. Surrender your fear to the winds. Surrender your false priorities and your desire for the things you think you can't live without. Prosperity consciousness does not come without a sense of responsibility and conscious awareness of the damage we do to the Earth. Prosperity consciousness is knowing that the universe is an abundant source of support and love for your well-being not for your personal greed for stuff that cannot be recycled, reused or renewed. We are being offered a fresh start here. Let this storm blow out the old ideas and ways of doing business. Let's all adopt the Triple bottom line in our personal lives and in our business practices. "People, Planet, Profit" in that order.
Move to the eye of the storm and re-evaluate your priorities. This is not the end of times. It is the beginning of new times.
Here it is, the storm is roaring in the ears of the recent and soon-to-be homeless, the recently unemployed and now uninsured, the small business owners and large business owners, the retired and soon-to-be retired and nobody wants to take responsibility for this global chaos.
The religious right came out and said that hurricane Katrina was blamed on gays or the godless of America. Failing schools and education is blamed on the loss of religious prayers in public schools. Earthquakes are blamed on a vengeful God for communism but the economic failures are business practices? What? Not on God's anger at the blatant greed? Not God's vengeance for lying, cheating and stealing? What happened? The religious right is silent this time. Isn't greed one of the seven deadly sins? Isn't stealing mentioned in the Ten Commandments? Where are the religious leaders now? It's pretty quiet out there except for the sound of the global economic/political storm.
We could blame President Bill Clinton and his Republican Congress for encouraging Fannie and Freddie to offer more sub prime loans to low income families to give them a chance at the American Dream, or we could blame President George Bush and his many minions for deregulation of the mortgage and banking system. We could even go as far back as Ronald Reagan's 'trickle down economics'. Let's blame and blame and blame until we finally have ignored the storm long enough to allow it to blow over and then we'll go back to life as usual....hmmmm?
I have another idea. Let's all take responsibility for our actions that were not motivated by love or grace. Let's go deep inside of our conscious awareness and look for any and all of our arrogant sense of entitlement to plunder the Earth of her natural resources for our personal pleasure. Let's ask everyone to look inside for the actions we may have taken that were motivated by anything other than our highest good or the highest good for all of humanity. Let's pull out each and every old dark secret, when we were less than honest, less than authentic, less than loving, less than generous, less than compassionate and bring those energies into the Light to forgive ourselves, to heal our energies of greed and irresponsibility and personal guilt.
The world is a reflection of you. What you see on the large stage of American politics and economic systems is a reflection of the consciousness of the majority.
I think this storm is raging like a hurricane. It will clear the weak foundations we have built. It will offer us all an opportunity to re-evaluate our priorities. We have purchased blindly. We have greedily gathered our 'stuff'. We filled our homes with toxic toys and gadgets that we don't need but have somehow convinced ourselves we must have. We have charged up our credit cards and not saved for the rainy days...well it's raining now. The storm is here. The winds of change are blowing.
We cannot hide from ourselves any longer. We cannot waste another minute blaming others or God for any of this.
Here is what I told my class last night. Move to the eye of the storm. There is peace and calm and blue sky there. Surrender your fear to the winds. Surrender your false priorities and your desire for the things you think you can't live without. Prosperity consciousness does not come without a sense of responsibility and conscious awareness of the damage we do to the Earth. Prosperity consciousness is knowing that the universe is an abundant source of support and love for your well-being not for your personal greed for stuff that cannot be recycled, reused or renewed. We are being offered a fresh start here. Let this storm blow out the old ideas and ways of doing business. Let's all adopt the Triple bottom line in our personal lives and in our business practices. "People, Planet, Profit" in that order.
Move to the eye of the storm and re-evaluate your priorities. This is not the end of times. It is the beginning of new times.
Saturday, October 04, 2008
"An Extra Year"
Steven Morrison has finished his book and it's wonderful. You can read the Introduction and first chapter by going to www.anextrayear.com or just click on the link on the lower right of this page under 'links'.
"An Extra Year" is a true story, a beautiful, loving, spiritual story about loss and grief in the new age. How we can continue our relationships even after the 'death' of a loved one. Please go to his website and see what it's all about.
You are invited to his launch party November 15th in Idyllwild, California. I will be there as will other mediums and clairvoyants, friends, and of course the author. It will be great fun and I hope I see you there.
"An Extra Year" is a true story, a beautiful, loving, spiritual story about loss and grief in the new age. How we can continue our relationships even after the 'death' of a loved one. Please go to his website and see what it's all about.
You are invited to his launch party November 15th in Idyllwild, California. I will be there as will other mediums and clairvoyants, friends, and of course the author. It will be great fun and I hope I see you there.
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