My Mother

Bless my mother's heart! And bless her soul. She is turning 88 soon and has been a strong and powerful force all of her life. She worked at a middle school cafeteria in my hometown for many years and only retired a year or so ago. She has a close and committed relationship with God and meditates daily. She believes that if you are in need, ask God for the answers then shut up and wait for God to answer. Whenever there was fear about not having enough money to buy a prom dress for one of her daughter's she would always find a way. If ever she found herself worrying she would excuse herself and go talk to God. Always, when she returned, she would be glowing with the knowledge that, "God always answers."

She is coming to the end of her time here with us. Last month her doctor told her she cannot drive anymore. She came home and said, "He's not the boss of me!" But, since that day she has aged 20 years. It took the wind right out of her sails. Yesterday she was told that she needs to resign from handling her bank account. "I will NOT!", she said. And this morning I was looking for my beautiful new garlic press. It wasn't in the dishwasher, it wasn't in the drawer where it belongs, it wasn't anywhere I could see. I finally asked her if she had seen it. She told me that she hid it in a basket, on the top shelf of our pantry, because she didn't want anyone to steal it. The phone was ringing the other day and she picked up the remote control for the television, pushed the 'on' button and brought it to her ear. "Hello?" "Hello!" The television came on and she was quite confused about that. She has forgotten her phone number and has lost her garage door opener. She asks me everyday what day it is.

I know these are the signs of dementia or old age and it just makes me sad. She's been my greatest teacher, a wonderful mother and now it is time for me to be hers.

She has lived with me for 20 years, since my father died. Not because she needed special care or anything. We decided to buy a place together and it was a good decision. However, our home is three stories and she may not be able to manage these stairs much longer. She's going to need care when I travel, and well, it's coming near the time when we have to make some tough decisions.

Dear God, help me be patient with repeating my answers many times in a day and sometimes in an hour. I want to feel love and patience and understanding flow through me today and everyday. Let me be the strong and powerful force she can depend on as we have depended on hers all of these years. I am here for her until she no longer needs me.

88 years sounds like a long life. It's not feeling that way at the moment.

God bless my mother.