The Judging Game

How many times have you said out loud, or at the very least thought, "What an IDIOT!"? I've thought it and said it out loud thousands of times. We get a bit of an ego hit on declaring someone an idiot. We get to feel superior for a brief moment, if not for an entire day when we look outside at the world and at all of the people, comparing ourselves to them and declaring ourselves to be smarter or better.

I've judged drivers for driving too fast and others for driving too slow. I felt vendicated when I heard George Carlin do a bit about that. He said, "Have you ever noticed how drivers who go too fast are assholes and the ones who drive too slow are idiots?" I related to that joke. I've judged my neighbors for the trash they throw away if it's something that can be recycled. I've judged boyfriends for drinking too much and girlfriends for not drinking enough! I've judged family and friends and clients and there have been times I've even judged God.

Of course, nowadays, my occasional judgements and declarations of others being idiots are usually followed by a voice inside my head, (my Higher Self voice), "Now, Elizabeth. "Judge not lest ye be judged." It's just no fun anymore. And besides,the people I've declared to be idiots are, in fact, not idiots. Well, most of them anyway.

John Edwards is not an idiot. Let's face it. He attended Clemson University and transferred to North Carolina State University and graduated with high honors earning a bachelor's degree in textile technology in 1974, and later earned his Juris Doctor from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill with honors. But I couldn't help but say out loud yesterday, "Is he an IDIOT?" What was that man thinking? Didn't he notice the camera's on him 24/7? Didn't he at least hear about the public humiliation of Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich and all the others who have taken the same path of hypocritical deception and denial? Did he really think at all? Where was that man's mind? Did he lose it completely? Add the fact that he cheated on his beautiful wife who was fighting cancer at the time and I could really get heated up. Anyone who has ever had a husband or wife or lover cheat and lie can empathise with his wife and call him all kinds of names.

I recently received an email where the author declared Al Gore to be an idiot. Come on! He graduated cum laude from Harvard and has won the Nobel Peace Prize. He isn't an idiot. He is an author and Academy Award winning movie maker. He may not align with the ideals of others but that does not make him an idiot. The author was responding to an email about the people who voted for George Bush apologizing for their lack of good judgement. It was meant to be a joke but since she did vote for him she perhaps felt defensive about her choice considering the mess he has made of things. It's easier to call others idiots than accept our own limitations and mistakes.

Now, mind you, I've done some pretty stupid things in my life. I've done things that even while doing them I thought to myself, "Why are you doing this? This is stupid." and, yet, I was somehow compelled by my lower self ego to continue doing it. I've continued relationships with people I knew I should have stayed away from. Yet, I can rationalize that by pointing out that I was not married at the time. I've invested money in places I shouldn't have and I've loaned money to people who were untrustworthy. Does that make me an idiot? Probably not, but I sure felt like one. I've jumped before looking and I've behaved in ways that could be described as, well, idiotic. And I was judging myself all the way if not directly afterwards. I judged myself for not finishing college. I've judged myself for dressing inappropriately and for not minding my own business. I've judged myself for trying too hard and for not trying hard enough I've judged myself having poor judgement and I've judge myself for being judgemental. Ha! I've judged myself for failing clients and for not doing my best when doing my best would have just taken a little more effort.

So, for me, it comes down to this. I judged a woman yesterday for calling someone I admire an idiot. I judged her for judging him, "wrongly" and then I went ahead and judged John Edwards for doing what millions, perhaps billions have done before him. I judged myself yesterday for failing at a job I had committed to. So, in turn, it felt good to judge John Edwards and sender of the email because who I was really judging, was me.

This ego game of judging others is a way to make ourselves not feel so stupid for the things we've done in the past. The things that we still hold onto, the shoulda, woulda, coulda's of life. "Well, at least I never did that! What an idiot!" Whew, now I feel better.

What do we do to stop this negative dialog and energy we keep activated and amplified by our judgements?

Forgive. Forgive ourselves for being human. Forgive others for being human. Forgive the George Bushes, Dick Cheneys, John Edwards, Brittany Spears, John McCainss and Barack Obama and anyone whose lives we scrutinize and blame and judge. Forgive our past transgressions and our future mistakes, because there will be more coming. Life is like that.

We are mirrors of each other. What I judge in others, I judge in myself. Accepting that we are all perfectly imperfect and forgiving ourselves for being less than we expect of ourselves will heal more of what we see in each other than any of us can imagine. Did that make sense? I'll have to read it again later.

I saw a bumper sticker once. "Think you're perfect? Try walking on water!"