Darkest before the dawn.

1979 was a major turning point year for me.

Prior to that I had been in the restaurant business. It was exciting, fast paced, and like a party every night. I loved being the gracious hostess, manager, and trouble shooter. To this day I still have waitress nightmares where I'm trying to get an order from a table and I look around and suddenly there are 15 tables seated and I'm the only one on the floor. I used to be able to remember the orders of 6 guests at a table but in my nightmare I can't remember diddly squat. It's a job for the young and enthusiastic and mostly single people. The hours are torturous especially if you are a single parent. I worked at The Red Onion in Redondo Beach when it was a hoppin', crazy, pick-up club. From the five o'clock happy hour to the 1:30 a.m. last call, I was on my feet, putting out fires, cashing out waitresses, and keeping an eye on the bartenders. I loved it, except for one thing. I had a three-year-old girl at home who needed a mommy to tuck her in and say her nighttime prayers with. I was so torn. I loved the high energy of the restaurant atmosphere but I loved, so much more, my angel child. So, I quit. One day, I just couldn't do it anymore, so I left it all.

The following six months I struggled with what to do next. I began meditating every day and re-reading the many books I had on spiritual healing and psychic awareness. I read the Seth Books, and everything by Richard Bach. I never thought I would be able to do what these amazing writers were doing but, I was fascinated by all of it. I read, "Joy's Way", "Handbook to Higher Consciousness" and many others, never thinking it would lead to my next career.

My sister worked at a health club in a nearby beach town and suggested that I go to massage school and join her at the club. Back then massage school could be completed in a few months and the job paid about $19 an hour, plus tips. The hours were flexible which allowed me the luxury of creating a schedule around my daughter and not around a corporation. It was the perfect solution. I figured I would work part-time at the club and go back to college to finish my degree in psychology.

But, something happened when I started putting my hands on clients. That something was transforming. I fell in love with the calm, the peace, the love that was created when I worked. From the wild restaurant nights of noise and chaos, to the soft quiet music and candlelit room for healing. From hundreds of people a night, to one-on- one intimate sessions with people eager to connect.

My life was transformed, my career was launched and a new direction led me to the most amazing experiences. I am so grateful for the courage it took to quit my job that day. I was scared, I felt alone, I had no idea which way to turn but, I also trusted that it would be revealed. Everyday, for six months, I meditated, while the landlord waited for rent, the electric company threatened to shut off our power, and the repo guy went looking for my car. I'm sure my family and friends worried when the time passed and still I wasn't even looking for a job. They thought it was clinical depression, and maybe it was. But, I came out the other side of it, without medication. I came out the other side with clear direction.

I am relating this story because it seems to be a current theme of many of my clients. They are confused, scared, knowing it is time for change and movement, yet paralysed to take a step, not knowing which direction to turn. I understand that feeling. I've lived it. From nearly homeless, penniless and frightened to a new adventure in healing.

Many of us are being asked to step up and be the Indigos we are. We are being asked to BE our truth, to DO our primary intentions and yet we hold back out of fear. The antidote to fear is TRUST. Trust you intuition, your inner guidance system, your higher self and you will be led to the Light of your truth.

Here's a Rune for those of you who are struggling with the next move.

Teiwaz

This is the Rune of the Spiritual Warrior. Always the battle of the Spiritual Warrior is with the self. Funding the will through action, yet unattached to outcomes, remaining mindful that all you can really do is stay out of your own way and let the Will of Heaven flow through you-these are among the hallmarks of the Spiritual Warrior.

Embodied in this Rune is the sword of discrimination that enables you to cut away the old, the dead, the extraneous. And yet, with Teiwaz comes certain knowledge that the universe always has the first move. Patience is the virtue of this Rune, and it recalls the words of St. Augustine that "the reward of patience is patience."

Here, you are asked to look within, to delve down to the foundations of your life itself. Only in so doing can you hope to deal with the deepest needs of your nature and to tap into your most profound resources. The molding of character is at issue when Teiwaz appears.

Associated with this Rune are the sun, masculine energy, the active principle. The urge toward conquest is prominent here, especially self-conquest, which is a lifelong pursuit and calls for awareness, single-mindedness and the willingness to undergo your passage with compassion and in total trust.

In issues of relationship, devotion to a cause, an idea or a path of conduct, the Warrior Rune counsels perseverance, although at times the kind of perseverance required is patience.

Teiwas is a Rune of courage and dedication. In ancient times it was this glyph warriors painted on their shields before battle. Now, the same symbol strengthens your resolve in the struggle of the Self with self.